Holidays are always tough. Who will we spend time with? Who will spend time with me? Which parent gets the "prime" time? It is all so difficult for everyone. This is not what the holiday's are supposed to be about. They are about God, Gratitude and Family. It is the family part that gets convoluted. Last year I told my daughter "do what you want and i will be okay with it, i know you have four sets of parents and four sets of grandparents to see and choose between". I was happy with that choice, felt i was pretty evolved. The day came and i wasn't chosen, breathe, but the fathers were, breathe.... TOO hard. Suddenly i was hurt, mad jealous. My daughter said, oh mom, i thought you said it would be okay with you what ever we chose to do for the holiday's. Hmm.. yes i said that.. but i guess i didn't mean it. And so it goes, wanting to be the one chosen for the special times. I realized that i have to learn how to be honest about my feelings with out being demanding on my children's time. Allowing them the freedom to be adults and make their own traditions. I asked for some time this year... just a small block with all three and their families.. I asked didn't demand, so i will see who makes it and i will enjoy the day and be gracious, kind and Thankful oh and honest.
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Armando Cortez
12/13/2011 01:52:46 pm
I've been(actually am)in your shoes when it comes to holiday family times. I remember saying to my daughter, "I know you have four sets of Grandparents making demands on your time. I don't want you to feel pressured to squeeze me into your busy schedule. I'll be okay with any time you can give me, even if it's after the holidays". Wow! I was not ready for the day when "my" Christmas came at the end of January! I learned then that even when they're grown, our kids often take us at our word and how important it is for me to live up to my end of the deal I made with them, no matter how much it hurts. Since that day I've learned to cherish even more the time I get to spend with them. After 6 years the pain is still there when I'm by myself for the holidays, and some years are easier than others, but what I find myself doing is thanking God for letting me see the parents that they are growing up to be, while at the same time showing me how to be the parent He still wants me to become. Hang in there Laurie. I know it's not easy, but the rewards are well worth it. Blessings to you!
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Author, Life Coach, Seattle traffic reporter
Laurie was a single mom, whose hopes and dreams helped her survive the tough times. Her dreams are manifesting with the release of a new book Did Not See That Coming. Archives
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