This has been an emotional week of highs and lows. My feelings were hurt. I tried to think all around the event that caused the hurt and realized some amazing things. After of course i was mad and sad. It is not fun to feel rejected or not wanted ((even if that is not what is really happening)) it can feel that way all the same. I had the luxury of going to the beach and pondering the situation. When i took my eyes off the “offense” which was only a boundary, i realized some tough things about myself. I can grow from this. I can learn to see things with new eyes and not see every situation from the pain of past hurts. I found myself thanking God all day for the opportunity to respect boundaries, grow, and discover new ways to live my life. I took responsibility for my part in the misunderstanding. First i called friends that would TOTALLY validate me. Then once i was validated... I could take that hurt and used it to see areas of my life where i could grow. I am not the victim of the hurt. Just the recipient. I get to choose what to do with it. Wallow or grow... well how a
Thank you Dave for your post. As i re-read it and the struggles you have had something you said really resonated with me. You are loved. God loves you. I have had a hard time believing that. For some reason i know God loves everyone, it is just hard to believe he loves me. What i am learning about that is .....What do i think love is? It hasn’t occurred to me before that my failure to believe in God’s love for me is more about what i think love is....than whether or not He loves me. Do we measure God’s love by the parents he gave us? By the circumstances and trials in our lives? By answered prayer? How do we know what love is? Do we learn it here on earth or is it something we “should” (((I HATE SHOULD))) just know? We are surrounded by beauty and I can’t help but see God’s hand. I know the Bible tells us He loves us and i can hold on to that when i really start to wonder. But again, is my “disbelief” more about where, how and what I have learned about love and how that translates to how i feel about God’s love.
I have heard a lot of “do it right” “make the right decision” type of messages lately. Like this one, if we plan and do our “do dilligence” ((whatever that means)) God will bless us... things will go GREAT... For some people that seems to be working. Not for me. I plan, i make the best choices with the information i have and i still find myself in difficult places. I still struggle. So what’s up with that? I think that people want things to be okay. So if they say “do it a certain way” then they can make you wrong and stay at peace with God. But if I am doing things the best i can and striving for integrity and living a good life and things still aren’t working out so great ... then what? Then i have to question my belief in God. But here is the HARD Truth... Bad things happen to good people. What makes it tougher for me to get through these times is the attitude of those around me who want to accuse me, rather than come beside me and say some times life is really hard. When i am struggling and i think it is part of life, I can wrap my head around it and move forward. But when i am struggling and then being told it is my fault for all my many bad choices in life then why bother to move forward? what good is it to strive and be thoughtful about what i am doing in life and where i am going if every time something doesn’t go the way i want it... it is all my fault. What if it is just not going my way and it is no ones fault? What if i take it and learn and grow and continue to move forward? Blaming makes me want to stay stuck and it takes away all hope. As much as i hate these messages when i receive them i have to ask myself... am i putting that kind of energy on others? Or am i comfortable enough with God to know that He works in everyones lives in different ways? Or do i have no grace and blame people for what is wrong in their lives? I’m just saying...