- When we get anxious it puts us into the fight or flight mode and so we can become irrational in the survival stage. If you catch yourself, or your child getting anxious, ask "is this fear real? If it is then sit with it. If it is not, for instance you are worried about something that "MIGHT" happen. Ask, what would it be like if I didn't have that thought?
- You have probably heard about 4X4 breathing? Breathe in through your nose to the count of 4, hold to the count of 4 and out your mouth to the count of 4. Do this at least 4 times.
- Most of all validate. Okay, I am feeling anxious, what is really going on here? If it is your child put words to it, you are really anxious right now. Once you validate something it is easier to deal with
I keep hearing from teachers, pastors, parents and more that anxiety is rampent. Here are 3 things to help you if you or your child is struggling with anxiety. It is important to recognize anxiety and get professional help.
Yes, it’s Mothers Day!!!
I am the director of a day center for homeless women and children. Shelly our wonderful volunteer who brings fresh flowers every week, brought roses for all the moms. I am not going to lie, it was a HIT!!! Now with that said, here is some history. Some of the mom’s have lost children to CPS, some have at least one with them, some none. But they were so touched to have a rose for being a mom. Some women couldn’t have children and not only that their mom has passed on. They loved getting a rose. One mom can’t ever see her children again, ever!!! and she was so very proud of her rose. One mom, who’s son is in rehab, went into rehab but couldn’t stay, she came to get some rest from the streets, she was so blessed by that rose. Three mom’s who are working so very hard to do everything required to get their kids back, loved the rose, but no big deal.
It wasn’t about what kind of mom they were, it was that someone cared enough to bring a homeless woman a rose.
We all have Mother's day issues. Whether it is an expectation of how to be treated or which mom to have dinner with. It is a day that stirs frustration and memories of good times and bad, losses and pain. I hope that on this mothers day, you can look inside and see the person that God sees. It is not about what you do or how well you have served, it is because you are here and you were created to love and be loved. When we look inside it is so easy to see “not enough” change the language, you are enough, you deserve love, the past is the past and God’s grace and mercy is enough.
I am learning that all we have to do is change the language from hate to love. For ourselves and others. Letting go of judgement, forgiving, not easy, but it is life. Some of us don’t want to live, I mean really live, we want to stay stuck on our lack. Our “not enough” so we stay in pain. Our time here is short, my goal is to let go, love and move on, harboring pain causes physical pain and make us miss the beauty that is all around us.
As a single mom, I look at all the things my kids didn’t get to do because of lack of funds or someone to take them. I see what I would have liked to have done for my kids. Yet I look at my kids and for all the pain, ramen, and thrift clothes, they have grown into amazing people who are giving back to their communities. What do I want to focus on? The latter I think.
How are you talking to yourself?
What are you saying?
Turn it around - what is the opposite of that?
You are enough
you have enough
you do enough (maybe too much)
Working with the homeless has taught me how important it is to be in the moment and let fears of the future go. Worry, stress, fear, rob us from the now.
Change your life one thought at a time
Are you a screamer? In talking with single moms, many have confessed they are screamers. The level of frustration in just survival becomes so intense that “screaming” is just what happens. Most tell me they don’t want to scream at their kids. There is an old adage “act or re-act” screaming is usually reacting. And no matter how much easier it is to scream then take action, it doesn’t work. It is not a good or effective way of communicating. Not to worry, it can be tamed. The first step is recognizing and owning the screaming. Once you recognize it you can begin to try other methods. When you start to scream, you recognize you are screaming, just stop. (unless the child is running out in front of a car) take a step back. What do you want to accomplish? What started the screaming? Take a breath, count to ten. Once you get some space from it you can brainstorm with friends, look on line for suggestions, hire a coach or talk really quiet. It will take the kids awhile to figure out your new method, they are used to ignoring your screaming. Screaming is accusatory so most people just ignore it. If you scream at your kids in front of others, it is awkward for the on looker and humiliating to the child. There are better ways to get your point across.
Are you a screamer?
What steps are you willing to take to stop the insanity?
Feel free to comment below and be part of a discussion.
What works? What doesn’t?
Hears to your inside voice...
So many of us are so saddened by the loss of Robin Williams at his own hand. I was shocked when I heard he was dead and then so incredibly sad when I heard it was suicide.
(1-800-273-TALK (8255) Suicide Hot line
I also struggle with depression. Many of us do. I have seen so many posts about suicide these last few days. "The ultimate act of selfishness", "what a waste", other negative emotions. When someone commits suicide it will often solidify another strugglers decision to do the same.
If you struggle with depression get help. I isolated my self and that was very unhealthy. Finally I got help, the drugs had to be adjusted and that was hard (over drugging is a problem too). the Counselors were helpful but one moved away and one got out of the business (can you say abandonment). Get tested it could be allergies or like me it may be from severe abuse.
(1-800-273-TALK (8255) Suicide Hot line
I just want you to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it is not a TRAIN. My hope is in Jesus Christ, that kept me going knowing that God loves me and that even when we walk through dark valleys He is there. What ever your God is...like Alcoholics Anonymous and other recovery programs, believing in a higher power can make all the difference.
Some people say meds are bad, some people say prayer is the only thing that will heal you. Both are good. But healing takes ACTION. I have a dear friend struggling with depression and she is making sure she is not isolated. She is on meds that have had to be adjusted, thus taking more time. She has a counselor and people who pray with her and for her.
Depression can make us act crazy, cry a lot, give up hope. We don't understand it and we can't figure out why we can't get out of bed. I am so very glad that I didn't give in to the temptation to end it all. I am so glad I chose not to believe the words of an enemy that says "what good are you anyway?" "Everyone will be better off with out you" These are lies. Find someone to listen, believe you will come out stronger on the other side, ask what the depression can teach you.
(1-800-273-TALK (8255) Suicide Hot line
You will make it
You will come through
There is hope
Depression may not be "Just Temporary" but there is long term help for it.
Please don't give in, give up!!
The world needs you and is waiting for your brilliance to shine through.
It will shine through
One baby step
telling one friend who will believe you
Praying for you,
Did Not See That Coming
It’s funny what we believe about ourselves. I am getting a “Makeover.” First I had to look at my facial features and decide what category I fell into. I chose the one with the “lump of clay nose.” My makeover artist asked me why I chose it and I said “because I have a big nose.” She looked at me so funny and said, “no you don’t.” My rebuttal, “yes I do.” We continued this for awhile until she showed me a picture I sent her before the makeover. She had me look at my nose, I still saw big. What I realized through this? Someone in my past told me I had a big nose and I should wear my hair high on top to distract from it. I believed it. I believed it so much that when I looked in the mirror I saw a big nose. How does this happen? My belief system is so strong that when faced with truth I couldn’t believe it, even when I saw it, because the brain is seeing what we believe, not what is the truth. It made me wonder what else I am believing that is not true? This was such a revelation because I believed it but didn’t voice it so friends couldn’t correct me or point it out. It was so deep set. What are you believing about yourself that just isn’t true?
I’m too old? I couldn’t do that? Good things never happen to me?
What ever it is, when you catch it…challenge it… because your brain will believe it if that is what you are telling it and that is what you will see. Try changing the dialog in your head.
You are beautiful and good things want to happen for you!!
Live What you Love,
Whenever I hear someone say “have an attitude of gratitude” something inside me cringes a little. For a long time I thought something was wrong with me. I heard a speaker say “It’s not an attitude of gratitude, but a practice of gratitude” and that resonated with me. Gratitude is hard work, especially when we are in a difficult place. I know if I start thinking about all the things I am grateful for it might pull me out of a funk. Yet I resist. Is it just me?
This week I was facing some struggles and I made a decision to stay right in the moment. When my thoughts wandered to “what am I going to do?” I brought them back to the present moment. How was I in this very moment? I had a roof over my head, food in my cupboards, a car that ran. I was not hungry, I was not in any danger. I was safe in my home with plenty around me. That is when gratitude happened. I was so caught off guard that here in the moment with all the wonderfulness of my life in the span of less than a minuted I had gone from sheer panic, to full blown gratitude. True gratitude where I felt it. I wasn’t trying to have an attitude of gratitude, I wasn’t trying to feel better by making a list of all the things I was grateful for, but I chose to be very present to the moment I was in and that there was absolutely no lack in that moment. That’s when I began to dance.
Are you “Dancing in the Moment?”
It seems like I am getting bombarded with “before you do anything else... do this or that.
Who am I supposed to listen to? If I did do all the “before you do anything else’s... I would spend my whole day doing all these things and not be able to get on with my life.
I am a learner, I will try most anything that sounds reasonable, but i can’t do them all and i can’t do them all -- all the time and i certainly can’t do them all “before I do anything else.
Shall I drink water before I meditate, pray before I get up? Exercise before I eat? Everybody has a different idea of what is really important and non negotiable. So this is what I have decided... are you ready? .... I do what I want, taking into consideration all the “MUSTS” put out daily and then I choose what is good for me. What is right for me. My style, my body, my life.
What about you? What is best for you? What is it you need that fuels you and inspires you? I say Do it!!! Life is to short to try to do everything others think we need to do. Do what you want to do. What works for you. What is good for you. Before you do anything else..... Take care of you.
Live What You Love
I just took a huge step in my life. I moved forward. It was awesome and wonderful and I am so grateful and happy for my new adventure.
All that said. I have people in my life who are now moving forward. I am so excited and happy for them. But I'm not gonna lie, it's hard. The shoe is on the other foot. Yes I am being supportive, yes I am being encouraging, but then I think inside..."What about me?" I'm realizing the level of faith and believing I called upon to make it through my own move, is what i am calling on to make it through their move(s). I have to believe not only that this is good for them, but that I will be okay and that it is somehow good for me too. In writing it, it seems self centered... whaaaa what about me. But in all honesty when things are good I like them to stay that way. So now I choose the same faith and belief. And voila, that gets the focus off of me, (worry) and back on them (adventure) and I find myself letting go and trusting that this change is good all the way around and it is. I see now why people have a hard time encouraging others to move forward when the "moving forward" affects them in a hard way. Encouraging and blessing others isn't always that easy. Sometimes it takes good self talk and putting aside my own fear. Ouch.. I said it... now I can continue to move forward and bless others... very aware of the vicious cycle of fear and adventure and the self talk that goes with it.
Make it a great day!!
"Knowledge with out action equals nothing"
Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love
Remember when you were about to do something really scary? Your first kiss? First speech? First day of college? First day on the new job?
You had to step out and try something out of your comfort zone.
How did it feel? Was it scary? Exciting? Exhilarating?
Comfort zone is a scary word.
It's a scary place.
Just before something wonderful and exciting happens,
we are faced with the choice to stretch or stay.
When we are younger the choice seems obvious.
Because we are expected to spread our wings.
As we get older it is harder because we are expected
to be responsible and "safe."
I was part of a conversation the other day that was fascinating.
At a wedding, a man sitting at a table with his mom and friends, was telling
me his life experiences.
His mom kept chiding in.
He said: after 911 my department was the first to be let go at Boeing.
She said: I wish you would have stayed at Boeing.
He said: I tried some different sales jobs.
She said: I wish you would have done sales at Boeing.
He said: I became a car salesman and I LOVE it. I love sales.
She said: I really wish you would have stayed at Boeing.
He said: I like to take risks and try new things, life is too short.
He asked me to sum up my book in one sentence.
I said: Never give up on your dreams.
His bright eyes and smile told me he was so happy to have someone on his team.
Where can you stretch?
What are you wanting to do so badly but are so afraid to take the step?
The gremlin's are telling you...
Who are you to think you can.....
You can't do that...
Are you crazy?
Ask yourself, When I'm on my death bed, what am i going to regret the most?
"I wanna see you be BRAVE"
These last three weeks have been very devastating. Two weeks ago my daughter, now 24 had to put down her childhood 4 - H horse Katie. I watched her make the very hard decision. She was so brave and did what was best for the horse. It was heartbreaking. The following Tuesday the news helicopter of the station I did traffic for crashed. Right off the top of the roof onto traffic in downtown Seattle. Although I did not know the pilot or photographer, everyone I worked with did. Many had flown with the pilot. As the news unfolded all day and the next it was so painful listening to my colleagues share the stories and memories of these two well loved men. The following week, a massive mudslide in Oso Washington took the lives of many. My nephew a volunteer firefighter in a nearby town is on scene digging through the mud to find his 14 year old nephew. The family just ran to the store for a few minutes and when they came home their son and home was gone. Charlie Harger A reporter says it best. It is taking a toll on all of us. The outpouring of generosity and good will is incredible. The head of FEMA who arrived on the scene said he has never scene a disaster quite like this. When he arrived the people embraced him. He listened to them... They are loggers and know the terrain so he listened to them. He said they were underway with the rescue faster than ever due to mutual respect. Good things out of tragedy. In the meantime, my heart is aching and I work on a music station WARM 106.9, we are supposed to be uplifting, light, encouraging. How do I put on my "happy" face in the midst of so much pain? The afternoon host and I addressed the issue and how people can help. What I have struggled with in the midst of all this pain is.... How do I maintain my happiness and joy, when so many are in such pain? It is a fine line. In the past I would have thought. I have no right to be happy with my life when others are suffering. Now I see it as, if I can bring laughter or joy with respect, during a time of grief, then maybe that is my mission.
My book was just published and I am so excited.
My daughter just announced she is moving with my granddaughter to another state.
I got another speaking engagement.
The mountain collapsed and my nephew and his family are searching for their 14 year old nephew.
How does this correlate? happy sad happy sad?
I just know that there are so many emotions about these situations and I can choose to balance them rather than negate them. It is okay to be happy and sad. Joyful and sorrowful all at once. The problem is when we let our guilt get in the way. I had to put guilt on the back burner to do my job. That is when I realized there is room for all of these emotions even at once.
Make it a great day
Author, Life Coach, Seattle traffic reporter but most of all MOM!
Laurie is a single mom, whose hopes and dreams helped her survive the tough times. Her dreams are manifesting with the release of a new book Did Not See That Coming and a radio show Coffee with the Coaches.