What is on your bucket list? I have spent a couple of weekends with friends supporting someone with their bucket list. He has terminal cancer, quit a high paying job and decided to finish some things before it's over. It really got me to thinking about my priorities. What is on my bucket list? Lot's of things I would like to do but no plan to do them or save for them. I am getting excited about the bucket list because I realized as we are spending time with Dennis as he is knocking them off one by one, it is building relationships and that supportive community I love. So I am working on my list.... organizing...prioritizing... and soon.... doing... How about you? Need a little help? A push? A shove?
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Holidays are always tough. Who will we spend time with? Who will spend time with me? Which parent gets the "prime" time? It is all so difficult for everyone. This is not what the holiday's are supposed to be about. They are about God, Gratitude and Family. It is the family part that gets convoluted. Last year I told my daughter "do what you want and i will be okay with it, i know you have four sets of parents and four sets of grandparents to see and choose between". I was happy with that choice, felt i was pretty evolved. The day came and i wasn't chosen, breathe, but the fathers were, breathe.... TOO hard. Suddenly i was hurt, mad jealous. My daughter said, oh mom, i thought you said it would be okay with you what ever we chose to do for the holiday's. Hmm.. yes i said that.. but i guess i didn't mean it. And so it goes, wanting to be the one chosen for the special times. I realized that i have to learn how to be honest about my feelings with out being demanding on my children's time. Allowing them the freedom to be adults and make their own traditions. I asked for some time this year... just a small block with all three and their families.. I asked didn't demand, so i will see who makes it and i will enjoy the day and be gracious, kind and Thankful oh and honest.
This has been an emotional week of highs and lows. My feelings were hurt. I tried to think all around the event that caused the hurt and realized some amazing things. After of course i was mad and sad. It is not fun to feel rejected or not wanted ((even if that is not what is really happening)) it can feel that way all the same. I had the luxury of going to the beach and pondering the situation. When i took my eyes off the “offense” which was only a boundary, i realized some tough things about myself. I can grow from this. I can learn to see things with new eyes and not see every situation from the pain of past hurts. I found myself thanking God all day for the opportunity to respect boundaries, grow, and discover new ways to live my life. I took responsibility for my part in the misunderstanding. First i called friends that would TOTALLY validate me. Then once i was validated... I could take that hurt and used it to see areas of my life where i could grow. I am not the victim of the hurt. Just the recipient. I get to choose what to do with it. Wallow or grow... well how a
Thank you Dave for your post. As i re-read it and the struggles you have had something you said really resonated with me. You are loved. God loves you. I have had a hard time believing that. For some reason i know God loves everyone, it is just hard to believe he loves me. What i am learning about that is .....What do i think love is? It hasn’t occurred to me before that my failure to believe in God’s love for me is more about what i think love is....than whether or not He loves me. Do we measure God’s love by the parents he gave us? By the circumstances and trials in our lives? By answered prayer? How do we know what love is? Do we learn it here on earth or is it something we “should” (((I HATE SHOULD))) just know? We are surrounded by beauty and I can’t help but see God’s hand. I know the Bible tells us He loves us and i can hold on to that when i really start to wonder. But again, is my “disbelief” more about where, how and what I have learned about love and how that translates to how i feel about God’s love.
I have heard a lot of “do it right” “make the right decision” type of messages lately. Like this one, if we plan and do our “do dilligence” ((whatever that means)) God will bless us... things will go GREAT... For some people that seems to be working. Not for me. I plan, i make the best choices with the information i have and i still find myself in difficult places. I still struggle. So what’s up with that? I think that people want things to be okay. So if they say “do it a certain way” then they can make you wrong and stay at peace with God. But if I am doing things the best i can and striving for integrity and living a good life and things still aren’t working out so great ... then what? Then i have to question my belief in God. But here is the HARD Truth... Bad things happen to good people. What makes it tougher for me to get through these times is the attitude of those around me who want to accuse me, rather than come beside me and say some times life is really hard. When i am struggling and i think it is part of life, I can wrap my head around it and move forward. But when i am struggling and then being told it is my fault for all my many bad choices in life then why bother to move forward? what good is it to strive and be thoughtful about what i am doing in life and where i am going if every time something doesn’t go the way i want it... it is all my fault. What if it is just not going my way and it is no ones fault? What if i take it and learn and grow and continue to move forward? Blaming makes me want to stay stuck and it takes away all hope. As much as i hate these messages when i receive them i have to ask myself... am i putting that kind of energy on others? Or am i comfortable enough with God to know that He works in everyones lives in different ways? Or do i have no grace and blame people for what is wrong in their lives? I’m just saying...
This Saturday Coach Shannon Bruce will be joining me on Coffee with the Coaches. We are both single mom’s talking about Oxygen Therapy. Taking a step back remembering to breath. It is easy to get overwhelmed thinking we have to be all and do all. Take a minute...plug into the oxygen. When we get refreshed we suddenly have something to offer others. What does it mean to refuel, refresh, take a minute for yourself to get re centered? What do you love? What would a mini 5 minute vacation look like for you? What could you do to refresh yourself? I dare you..... Now remember ... you are enough....you do enough....you have ev
I have been working on thinking differently. I have had to be very intentional about it and practice it. This week it was put to the test when my car overheated. I found a garage close by and they said it was my water pump and all that goes with replacing it. Seven hundred and fifty dollars. I didn’t have the money. But ... Rather than go to my place of despair, i decided to think about it differently. So I thought, I wonder how this will all work out... i took it a step farther and thought I can’t wait to see how this will all turn out. I called a friend to ask her hubby if i was getting ripped off. He said, “No, in fact if you will have them do it rather than me i will pay the bill and you can pay me back when you can”. Problem solved. Not the way i would have planned or chosen. I hated being bailed out but i couldn’t afford it. I told my friend how bad i felt that they had to help me and she said “are you kidding? Thank you for an opportunity to help”. That is what friends are for.
I have always struggled with affirmations. It is like saying something that isn’t true, to make it true.. well that is what i thought. Recently i have been listening to some and i realize that in many ways it is how we change our thinking. For instance... This is going to be a crappy day... it is raining and so far nothing is going right. Changing that to It is going to be a wonderful day and i can’t wait to see what it holds, and how i can serve others. Self talk is what it is all about. Studies show our brain can’t determine if what we think is real or not. So it takes what we think and responds accordingly. I want to land on the side of being positive. Believing the best. Even believing that what ever is coming my way is all part of my what’s next. So for today i am choosing to find affirming things to tell myself. By the way...This is no easy task. It is much more difficult than just accepting the negative. It takes work, thought and intention.
Life is taking a big turn for me. My kids are grown and i have been living with family while i decide what i want to do with my life. Where i want to live and what i want to do. I am moving into my own place and making new decisions about what i want to take with me. I am so grateful for the DAILY Compass maps that have given me daily perspective and personal growth opportunities. Life is good and wonderful things are happening.
When i was a little girl, college age and even a new mom i never intended to be a single parent. Not even a thought, and yet that is exactly what happened to me. After my husband walked out , left to be with DAVID, I was devastated. I thought my life was over. How would i survive such a blow? It wasn't easy but life went on and i raised three amazing children on my own. Well with the help of family friends and my community. What looks and feels like the end can be a new beginning. Here's to your journey. We are in this together
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Author, Life Coach, Seattle traffic reporter
Laurie was a single mom, whose hopes and dreams helped her survive the tough times. Her dreams are manifesting with the release of a new book Did Not See That Coming. Archives
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